By John Zakour
John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, long island.
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From the writer of the private heritage of Rachel Dupree, shortlisted for the Orange Award for brand spanking new Writers and longlisted for the Orange Prize.
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Additional info for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)
If your wife doesn’t kill you it will help ease the tension. ” Most wives hardly ever follow up on these threats. 6) Keep looking your wife in the eyes—eye contact is reassuring and not nearly as icky as looking lower. 5) Start planning on what you’ll be buying for Mother’s day. 4) Remember, while it’s certainly okay to help your wife scratch, you shouldn’t scratch yourself where you usually scratch yourself. 3) Tell your wife you love her. 2) Try to remember those breathing exercises they taught in Lamaze class and have your wife do them.
36 Finally, after an amount of time that seems at least ten times as long as it really was, your wife will be pretty much dilated and all tuckered out, which means the doctors and nurses will roll her into a delivery room as now she’s safe to deal with. This part of the birth will be the exact opposite of the first. There will be plenty of people around to help you and it will go faster than you can believe. There are two rules for you to follow here: 1) don’t get in the way, and 2) don’t look anywhere you shouldn’t.
Afterbirth: kind of looks like the blob. Amniocentesis: something you should be glad you never have to go through. Amniotic sac: kind of like a really flexible football padding that covers the entire unborn baby. Apgar score: the first of thousands of standardized tests your baby will take throughout his or her life. Beer: something that, when consumed in large quantities, often leads to pregnancy. Birth canal: chances are you’re pretty familiar with this already. Birthing room: a room in a hospital made to look like it’s not a room in the hospital but a room in your house (especially if you keep forceps around the house).